Everything is upside down

No, I did not vote for Trump. Can you tell? I am the artsy type. We don’t often go that way. But there are exceptions.

I don’t know how to make money. I am simply not good at it, as I kind of feel guilty taking people’s money. ( I also feel bad being served by someone in a restaurant and want to say, join us.) That makes me not quite right in the head according to the American way, I realize.

But everything has become topsy turvy. It has been buiding since 9/11. But this year…woah, was a doozy. WTH. There is no sense of what is real anymore. There appears to be no right or wrong. Stupid, arrogant, selfish individuals are promoted and the others look to them with authority.

Call me crazy, but I don’t see this headed in a good direction. We used to know right from wrong. We could teach our kids manners. Ok it is not entirely Trump’s fault that kids today feel entitled, but it is a symptom of where this country has been headed. Seems we have arrived, or is there even further to go.

I can almost no longer fear for anything. It is all so scary and debilitating how are we all seemingly moving forward?

Topsy Turvy I say.


three holidays down

img_0495ok did the birthday thing. check. did the the halloween thing. check. did the thanksgiving thing. check. and now the xmas thing.

From September till the new year each year goes by more and more speedy. With aging and having a child, I guess, and the holidays that suddently seem so important, although when I was alone I was able to pleasantly ignore the holidays with watching movies like the Godfather, or seeing friends. When I had a staff job I enjoyed my days off and could lounge in bed, play video games, take a luxurious bath, blast my music and dance around the apartment, go for a solo walk in my then fancy and sophisticated neighborhood. Slowly my life centered on others.

When I was alone, I enjoyed the freedom. Yes I did feel the solitude occasionally and felt lonesome. Since then, occasionally I crave solitude but I rarely feel lonesome.

I have suddenly become an orphan this year. Grieving has taken up a lot of time. Having to take care of all the business surrounding two deaths. And dealing with a myriad of emotions and stifling immobility due to emotions.

Life has become hard in a different way. Life is always hard.

I remember being single with no responsibilits except myself. Oh how I felt so selfish and decadent and spoiled over time. I felt guilty that people needed to do things for people and things were expected of them. My time was my own and I did as I pleased. Boy has that now changed.

Happy Thanksgiving weekend people!


2 days after

The shock is gone.  I think. Although yesterday I had been distracted for a few hours and then I suddenly remembered. My heart sank. I had dealt with a few deaths recently. This was another one. The death of what seemed like everything we know to be right and correct. The death of what we see as reality. The death of hopes and dreams and a simple comfort level.

Since 9/11 life has been different in this country. I remember the 90’s and they seemed normal and relaxed. Traveling was good and fun and stress free. Living was stress free. We made good money and could get jobs fairly easily and things were reasonably priced including housing and groceries. Life seemed kind of fair. We were young and would live forever. Or so it seemed.

Then 9/11 and the whole world changed. It was in the air. And slowly with the internet helping, the world became small and scary. Especially if you were an American. Wars began and jobs were lost. People were struggling. People were watching each other and there was a bad guy in our vision. Life became hard. We got older, our parents were even older and getting sickly. We became part of the sandwich generation.

Then there was hope. Then there was Obama. But then there were the haters who did not let him actually be the President and put a stop to letting him help us. It was a struggle. The feeling was in the air. The tea party arrived and slowly but surely it became normal and ok to hate and be rude and all the things we tell our kids not to be.

And now there was Trump.