ok did the birthday thing. check. did the the halloween thing. check. did the thanksgiving thing. check. and now the xmas thing.

From September till the new year each year goes by more and more speedy. With aging and having a child, I guess, and the holidays that suddently seem so important, although when I was alone I was able to pleasantly ignore the holidays with watching movies like the Godfather, or seeing friends. When I had a staff job I enjoyed my days off and could lounge in bed, play video games, take a luxurious bath, blast my music and dance around the apartment, go for a solo walk in my then fancy and sophisticated neighborhood. Slowly my life centered on others.

When I was alone, I enjoyed the freedom. Yes I did feel the solitude occasionally and felt lonesome. Since then, occasionally I crave solitude but I rarely feel lonesome.

I have suddenly become an orphan this year. Grieving has taken up a lot of time. Having to take care of all the business surrounding two deaths. And dealing with a myriad of emotions and stifling immobility due to emotions.

Life has become hard in a different way. Life is always hard.

I remember being single with no responsibilits except myself. Oh how I felt so selfish and decadent and spoiled over time. I felt guilty that people needed to do things for people and things were expected of them. My time was my own and I did as I pleased. Boy has that now changed.

Happy Thanksgiving weekend people!