Today appears to be a lovely mild autumn day outside. The sun is shining, birds are chirping. I sit inside, tired, overwhelmed. I am so overwhelmed I want to go back to sleep. But I have so much to do. The more I have to do, usually, the more I want to sleep.
So much rests on my shoulders. So much responsibilty and so much stress. And I am the only one who can do those things that need to be done. As the tears roll down my cheek, I wonder, can I do it, have I forgotten something that has a time constraint? And I think to myself how much of it can I put off until tomorrow. And pressure is added that the holidays are almost here, and simple fun stuff needs to come into the equation and added to the neccessary tedious things to be done. How much time do I give to each? What balance can I achieve?
Hence, I want to sleep.
But I can not. Too much to do. Busy, busy. Today I will go see my therapist who, for one reason, or another I have not seen in a month. I have managed to survive the month, but the stress has built. I do not want stress to be a factor in my life that will make me ill.
My immediate concern:
1-Shall I rake the leaves now or later.
2-Shall I return library books now or later.
3-Shall I buy bug traps now or later.
4-Shall I pick up prescription medications now or later.
5-Shall I shower today or wait till the next few days.
6-Shall I nap now or later.
Have you noticed I am a bit of a procrastinator?
As the dishwasher and the washing machine and dryer churn.
I sound very much like a homemaker, although that is not part of how I would define myself.
I never understood people when they constantly said they were out doing errands, they were busy doing errands, they could not join me for coffee because they had to do errands. I thought they were making up an excuse to not do something. I think in much of my adulthood, until recently, I had no errands to do. I would think to myself, what is this strange notion called errands. Now I know.
Crying helps, it is a release. Sleep helps too.
Time to get up and do something. Now.